A Healthy Self Esteem: Thinking More of Yourself, Thinking Less of Yourself or Thinking of Yourself Less

Self-esteem is a fundamental aspect of mental well-being, shaping how we view ourselves and interact with the world. However, genuine self-esteem isn’t about self-glorification or self-deprecation—it’s about finding a healthy balance. As C.S. Lewis wisely put it, true humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. In other words, healthy self-esteem allows you to step away from excessive self-focus, whether positive or negative, and engage with life more freely.

If you struggle with self-esteem, know that it’s not a fixed trait but something that can be nurtured. Here’s how you can develop a healthier sense of self-worth.

1. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Your inner dialogue has a powerful influence on self-esteem. If you frequently criticize yourself, question whether those thoughts are accurate. Would you speak to a friend in the same way? Replace harsh self-judgments with more balanced and compassionate perspectives. Instead of "I always fail," try "I sometimes struggle, but I also have strengths and successes."

2. Shift Focus from Self-Evaluation to Contribution

Constantly measuring your worth can be exhausting. Instead, focus on what you can contribute to others and the world around you. Engage in acts of kindness, support a friend, or pursue meaningful work. When you stop obsessing over how you’re perceived and start focusing on what you can offer, your self-worth naturally strengthens.

3. Cultivate Self-Acceptance

True self-esteem isn’t about feeling superior to others but about accepting yourself—flaws and all. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses with honesty and compassion. Perfection isn’t the goal; authenticity is.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Take Small Steps

Building confidence comes from action. Set achievable goals and work towards them, celebrating small victories along the way. Each success reinforces the belief that you are capable, even if progress is gradual.

5. Develop Healthy Boundaries

A well-balanced self-esteem allows you to set boundaries without guilt. Say no when necessary, and don’t let the fear of disappointing others dictate your decisions. Respecting your own needs fosters a sense of self-respect.

6. Engage in Activities That Make You Feel Competent

Doing things you enjoy and are good at naturally boosts self-esteem. Whether it’s painting, problem-solving, or playing an instrument, engaging in such activities helps reinforce a positive sense of self.

7. Seek Connection, Not Comparison

Social media and societal pressures often lead to constant comparisons, which can erode self-esteem. Instead of measuring yourself against others, focus on fostering genuine connections. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

8. Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude

Mindfulness helps you step out of self-judgment and live more fully in the present. Gratitude shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have. Both practices reduce self-focused rumination and promote a healthier self-view.

9. Accept That Self-Esteem Fluctuates

No one feels confident all the time, and that’s okay. Self-esteem is a dynamic experience, influenced by circumstances and emotions. The key is to cultivate resilience so that temporary setbacks don’t define your self-worth.

Improving self-esteem isn’t about inflating your ego or diminishing yourself. It’s about developing a realistic, compassionate, and outward-focused approach to life. By shifting your focus from constant self-evaluation to meaningful engagement with the world, you’ll find a more enduring and fulfilling sense of self-worth.